Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
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Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
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And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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