people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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