look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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