dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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