She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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