I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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