i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Your dad touched me again.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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