I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
