I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
