Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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