A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
