How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
