does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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