omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
