she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
either way he was missing a nipple.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
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I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
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I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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