My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
