I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize