never play flip cup with pint glasses
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
