then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
