Christians are straight up FREAKS
i need an iv and a liver transplant
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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