oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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