my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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