The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
