Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
