Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
