So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
