he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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