she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
