There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
