I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
