Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
