he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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