Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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