we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
