I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize