on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
