I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize