all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
