So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
