my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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