Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
its liver damage thursday
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
