Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Mom said you looked used
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
