I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
