Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
