He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
