The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
