white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
