Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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