Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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