And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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