i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I think i got beer on your cat.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
