Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
