Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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