...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
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If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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