I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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