i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
