i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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