i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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