when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
