Just cropdusted the office
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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