he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
