allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
