I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
