I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
