i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
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He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
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I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
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