get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
