I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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