I faked an abortion last night.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Dick very happy bro
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
